Wings

Our last breakfast in Montreal

Grant and I enter the crowded restaurant and start wading through people looking for their tables. A hand shoots up in the middle of the room, and I see Erika. We make our way to the table, jutting out of the column in the middle of the place.

• “This was the last table!” says Erika.

We all hug each other tightly.

I go to the washroom. When I return, there is a small key ring with three keys on the table.

-”I found these, I think they are the keys to the house?”

says Erika with a quizzical look.

Erika left home a long time ago, 15 years ago actually. She set up her home, her life, forged a path for herself that took a lot of turns. Through two graduate degrees and more apartments than I can remember, she kept the house keys. I pick them up. They are old keys, some of the locks have been changed, some not. Some may still work. In any case, we never lock the back door. I put them in my bag, a knot forming in my throat.

I swallow.

We order, food, drink mimosas, and talk about our projects. Grant and I listen as Erika and Ruben talk about all the frustrating steps of bureaucracy, the chaos involved in liquidating all your possessions, the stress of shipping their anxiety-riddled dog. They are exhausted, excited, going though all of it on adrenaline.

When it’s time to go, we hug again and again. Erika says:

• Time will fly. Before you know it, it’ll be spring and we’ll see you in Portugal.

• Yes, you’ll be busy, I’m sure.

• Mom, so will you. Every time I talk to you, you have so many projects. You never stop!

I know she’s right. I refocus my attention on what is now, what is true, what is real. That is how I can do this. I watch her leave knowing our love has helped her grow good strong wings. Our love for each other will keep us connected.

When I think of cutting physical ties like this, I try to remind myself that they are not the ones that matter most. Our bonds are not dependent on physical proximity. We love each other, but we each walk our own path. We can accompany each other from anywhere. We find our way back to each other through our hearts.